La Douleur Exquise
by Ssuperrad
Summary: Have you ever felt the exquisite pain of loving someone you could never have? How far would you go? Would you forsake your entire life, give up everything you had for just one chance? My name is Edith Porter and I feel the exquisite pain of loving Steve Rogers.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter One: Unwanted Memories 

Edith was having a very bad day. Her alarm failed to wake her, making her over two hours late for work, causing her boss to waste no time laying into her the second she walked through the door. The day followed on a tense note making her head ache with frustration; and to top everything off, Tony was in one of his moods.

"You know Stench Blossom; I'm having a hard time understanding why it is you insist on carrying out this ridiculous charade day in and day out." Tony Stark was deeply engrossed in his research when the gentle squeak of Edith's shoes alerted him to her return home.

Edith merely stood in the entry way to his work space, eyes closed, willing the man to just drop it; she was not in the mood for verbal sparring this evening.

"How many times do I have to tell you Barf-Vader? It keeps me occupied and I like the people I work with!"

Tony pushed back in his chair and raising his eyebrows. "Barf-Vader? You really had to go there? I was seven and those special effects, mind you, were pretty advanced for their time! Any kid could have gotten overwhelmed and thrown up."

"Yes but as I recall, no one else did, just you." Edith paused to give him a knowing look before continuing. "Barf-Vader".

Turning on her heel, Edith strode down the hall before Tony could quip something back at her. Stopping at the elevator she pushed the 'up' button. Being an integral part of the Stark family had allowed her a great many things, just one of which was an entire floor to call her own in Stark Tower.

"Home sweet home." She muttered as she stepped into the foyer, dropping her purse and keys onto the table that sat next to the elevator. Turning to hand her coat on one of the hooks that graced the opposite wall, she caught a look at herself in the long mirror over the hooks. No matter how many years passed, the person that stared back at her always seemed to catch her off guard.

So young…

Vibrant green eyes stared back, small hazel flames licked out from her pupil to create the illusion of fire in her eyes. Soft chestnut waved hung down her angular face, just barely kissing her smooth shoulders. Her mouth always looked like she was pouting, an attribute she did not much care for. Edith's body was long and lean with very pronounced curves; perky breasts sat prominently on her chest tapering down to her muscular stomach. Her hips and butt were shapely and her legs were well defined with muscle.

"Perfect" the words sounded hollow on her lips as she stared. Sudden memories welled up in the depths of her brain, threatening to spill out and ruin her night.

"Drop it Porter, it's not worth the headache in the morning" her head snapped up as the words exited her mouth.

_Porter? What the hell Edith? No one has referred to you as Edith Porter in over sixty freaking years! Your name is Stark now, Edith Evangeline Stark! Pull it together!_

Her brows furrowed as she continued to stare at herself.

_Yep, you're defiantly going off the deep end now… Just drop all this before you really make a mess of tonight._

Before Edith could stop herself, she briefly allowed the forbidden face to flash across her mind. Squeezing her eyes shut she willed the image away, but it was too late. His handsome face stared back at her from the backs of her eyelids. Tears of defeat pricked her eyes as she wandered through the apartment; not even bothering to turn lights on she blindly kicked her shoes off as she went.

Edith crawled, fully clothed, into her unmade bed as she closed her tear stained eyes and allowed the images to wash over her. Sadness crept up on her as she pulled her knees up to her chest.

Edith cried herself to sleep, images of Steven Rogers haunting her dreams. 


	2. Chapter 2

_**I came to my attention that I should probably mention that I own nothing when it comes to the Marvel universe or any of its characters there in. I only own my own character Edith! Yay!**_

_**I hope everyone like this story, it's my first fan fiction so please…be kind.**_

Chapter two: Unexpected Happenings

Bright sunlight poured through gaps in the curtains leaving heated stripes across the bedspread that currently enveloped Edith's entire body. Easing a hand out of the blistering hot blankets, she groped for her bedside clock. Bringing the object close enough to meet her sore and swollen eyes she let out a string of profanity.

"Uggh… Six forty five, too early." She extracted herself from the molten mass of material and padded down the hall to her personal kitchen.

The night had been hard; she hadn't had a night like that in years. Confusion clouded her thoughts.

_Why now? It's been over six years since I've had an incident like that. Come one Edith old girl, be thankful, at least Tony didn't have to break in and wake you up from a screaming fit._

Heat spread across her cheeks and the tips of her ears as she remembered, with embarrassment, having to be wrestled awake by her brother during particularly bad dreams. Tony had been adamant after the third of fourth time about her seeing someone.

"_I shouldn't be able to hear you screaming from two floors away kiddo." His eyes bore into hers with concern and worry. "If you don't want to see someone, why don't you just talk to me? We've shared everything with each other, everything but this." Frustration leaked though his cool demeanor._

The memory always ate at her whenever she thought about the past. Why couldn't she just share that part of herself with Tony? He was all she had since Howard's passing. Only Howard truly knew who she was and understood the demons that haunted her; He had helped her when she had nothing and no one to turn to.

Where would she even start? The public knew nothing of her existence, every records and all information had been destroyed in the wake of Captain America's demise.

_Not quite everything though_

Drumming her fingers on the counter, her eyes flitted to the coat closet. Cocking her head to the side Edith slowly trotted towards the door. What could it hurt? She'd schlepped out some mental baggage already, what were a few more cases? Gingerly running her fingertips over the smooth metal of the door handle, she yanked it open before she could change her mind.

Standing in a pair of grey boy shorts and a white tank top Edith peered into the closets musty depths. A small antique safe stared back at her from beyond the winter coats; sinking to her knees she dialed the combination before slowly opening the door. Residing in the safe were two thick bundled file folders wrapped up in twine and a single film reel. She removed the two bundled files, turning them over gently in her hands. The bold lettering on each of the folders shone clear as day: Captain America and Lady Liberty.

She had stolen as much as she could during the chaos; this was all that was left, just hers and Steve's personal files. And a short film reel that documented her 'transformation'.

Edith let out a small humorless chuckle. After the success of Steve's rebirth the agency that had enhanced him was itching to create a 'partner' for the new super soldier. Just the two of them, Captain America and his freedom loving side kick Lady Liberty. She rolled her eyes dramatically before stuffing everything back into the safe and slamming the door shut.

"The past is the past Ede old girl" she sighed before hoisting herself up off the floor to go make coffee.

No sooner had she pressed the on button for the coffee maker when her cell phone began chirping her ring tone. She frowned at the blocked number displayed on her phones screen.

_Who the hell would be calling this early on a Thursday?_

"Nobody I want to talk to!" She answered to herself before declining the call and turning back to the coffee pot.

Her ring tone filled the space once again, displaying the same blocked number. After staring at the screen for over five rings, her curiosity got the better of her.

"Hello?"

"Edith, this is Agent Coulson with shield…"

"Seriously Phil" Edith interrupted "aren't we a little past all this last name crap, we've known each other for how long now?"

Coulson laughed gently into the phone "I know Ede, I'm sorry, I'm just a little" he paused "frazzled."

"Since when do you say shit like frazzled" She laughed setting down her coffee.

"We need to talk" his stone cold seriousness made her stomach uneasy

"Ok, when?"

"Now, Stark and I are waiting downstairs in the conference room." The line went dead leaving Edith hopelessly confused and nervous.

Fifteen minutes later Edith brushed into the conference room clad in jeans and a grey well worn sweater.

"Ok, ok, what's so important it couldn't wait?" Waving her hands she plopped into the chair between Agent Coulson and Tony. The two simply stared at her, causing her eyebrows to slowly creep up her face. "Or we could just sit here and have a staring contest? Seriously guys what's the deal?" She shot a pointed look at her brother. "Tony?"

"Agent Coulson showed up here pretty early this morning" Tony paused, letting his eyes fall down to the table "Something's come up sweetie and no body is really sure of how to go about the situation."

The serious look in Tony's eyes was beginning to weird her out, Tony was never serious! "Ok, someone really needs to tell me what's going on because I'm getting creeped out!"

"We found his body" Coulson's voice was low and even as he carefully watched her face.

"Who's body! You guys are making no fucking sense!" Edith was beyond agitated "You drag me down here at the ass crack of dawn and start spouting weird cryptic nonsense and expect me to kno.."

"We found Steven Rogers body on a routine expedition five days ago." Coulson interrupted.

The air seemed to disappear from her lungs as Agent Coulson's words sunk in.

_They finally found his body. After all these years you can finally get some kind of closure…Move on_

"I…" Edith faltered, tears cascading down her face "I suppose we can finally put him to rest. I can start making arrangements…" She babbled on until she felt Coulson's hand cover her own shaking one.

"No Edith, you misunderstand." His eyes probed hers before continuing "We found Captain Rogers body… Alive."


End file.
